Spending one on one time with each child is important. Bedtime is a guaranteed time you can spend with your child. It’s free of distractions, and the time of day when there usually isn’t anything else scheduled.
After having four kids all 2 years apart in age – my husband and I introduced the following routines and strategies that have helped us maintain a consistent, predictable routine.
- Establish Bedtimes: talk with your partner to clarify the best time for your kid(s) to go to bed. For younger kids, this might be 7:00pm. For our younger elementary school kids, this was 8:00. For our older elementary school kids, 8:30. For our 7th and 9th graders, 9:00 and 9:30. Consider the time they wake up in the morning, and calculate how many hours-ish of sleep they’ll get with this schedule.
- Ex. My high schooler actually gets up at 6, and the elementary school kids get up at 7. I’d argue that the freshman isn’t getting enough sleep, but the plus side is she’s tired and so she sleeps well – getting quality sleep.
- Start an hour before actual bedtime: announce it’s almost bedtime, eat final bedtime snacks, get changed into pajamas, brush teeth, read books, etc. Believe it or not, there’s a lot to do to get ready to sleep!
- Transition with grocery store like announcements: “the kitchen will be closing in 5 minutes”, “bedtime will be starting in 10 minutes”. Switch gears from activeness to calmness with ample warnings to give everyone a heads up that it’s time to start calming down for the day.
- Offer a “last chance” snack: The reward for getting pajamas on can be a bedtime snack. For us this is ususally a bowl of cereal, yogurt, banana + PB, toast, goldfish, pretzels – some sort of easy carb or snack. So often when we settle down the kids get hungry again – this is much easier to realize before doing the other bedtime routine steps. For some reason, the minute the kids lay down to go to bed they suddenly get hungry.
- Divide and conquer: focus on one activity at a time. From someone who’s sensitive to overwelm, especially at the end of the day, be easy on yourself. The long list of things you have to do can be exhausting. It’s so much easier if everyone has a nighttime snack together, or is gettting their pajamas on at the same time. There’s much less back and forth between rooms and sometimes it’s possible to fully complete one task before moving onto the next.
- Divide and conquer part 2: read books with one kid at a time. This one on one bedtime ritual GUARANTEES you will have 10-20 minutes of undivided attention with each of your kids on a regular basis. In our household with 4 kids – it looks like this: I read stories to two of our kids each night, my husband reads to the other two kids. The next night, we switch. We still say a quick goodnight to everyone else, but each kid gets one-on-one time with a parent. This is probably my #1 favorite bedtime advice. Yes, if one parent isn’t home that night – the routine takes twice as long – or i shorten the time I spend with each kid – or read as a group. Also, the kids quickly understand this simple routine and it’s very predictable to them.
- Allow for the occassional “ish”. It’s unrealistic that every single night will be perfect. There are always things that come up – a late night school event, a sick child who needs your attention, a work matter that is time sensitive, a child who can’t sleep, favorite pajamas that you can’t find. Try to do your best, it’s okay if bedtime is 8ish or anything needs an ish for the night. There’s always tomorrow to try again.
- Stay consistent with the bedtime checklist and timeframes. Having a good bedtime routine is like having a solid foundation under a house. It may be the only part of the day that’s predictable. While not every night will be perfect – stick to the bedtime framework as a reference point to stay on track. Good sleep routines make for happier family members.
- Reward yourself. It’s not easy to stick to a routine at the end of the day – especially if you’re like me – a casual free flowing kind of person. However even I need this routine (whether or not i like it) because it allows me to get to bed on time too. My spouse needs this routine because he rewards himself with uninterrupted time to himself before going to bed. What’s your reward?
- Last tip comes from you! What advice would YOU give to parents about bedtime?
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