I actually remembered to do my Friday Five today. Amazing.

Isn’t if funny and annoying how I just mentioned not writing so much about my cute baby, and now this?

One:

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Four:

Five:

Have a great weekend everyone!

My birthday was on Wednesday and according to Jason, I’m officially in my LATE TWENTIES. I swear to God, if he says that one more time I might punch him in the gut. I had a great birthday, though, and got lots of good presents!

We celebrated a little on the 11th (with dinner, flowers and champagne :) but had the big cake and presents extravaganza last night so that my stepson could be involved. And today my dad and stepmom are headed into the city to take us out to a picnic lunch. Essentially, I get to have three birthdays for the price of one. It helps as you get older to extend your birthday for as long as possible. Takes the pain of wrinkles and gray hair away.

Ooh, I have to share the great things I recevied! Hence, The Friday Five.

One: First, I got an espresso machine for (YAY!) soy lattés in the AM’s. And afternoons. And PM’s.

Two: I got this beautiful pink Le Creuset pitcher from my MIL.

Three: Jason remembered how much I loved this tea from Peet’s.

Four: Plus he bought me a new mug, chocolate-covered espresso beans and Scharffen Berger.

Five: But the grand-finale gift was - okay hold your breath - Dance Dance Revolution! What, you’re not excited? Okay, you’re right, I’m a huge nerd and I’ve been wanting this for months!

So, I drink the coffee, I eat the chocolate and then I dance! It’s a girl’s dream.

Oh, yeah, here’s us on the night of my birthday trying (and failing) to look classy.

Dinner made by my hubby

Mint-chocolate chip ice cream cake

I’m squeezing in this Friday Five (I have about an hour and a half before it’s officially Saturday) because I feel bad about allowing so many Fridays to go by without one. This is the kind of stuff I think about, people.

Top Five Things on My To-Do List This Weekend…

One: Finish Big Baby sweater for Squid. I couldn’t find a free pattern for this yarn, so I ended up making my own (!). So far, I think I’m on the right track. This yarn is so amazingly cute and snuggly and soft and I can’t wait to finish it for my little man.

Two: Drop off all the crap we didn’t sell at the garage sale (did I tell you we made a whopping $37.50?!) at Goodwill.

Three: Remind myself never to have a garage sale again.

Four: I’m cheating and listing something that I already did…for the first time, today! Have a wheatgrass shot.

Five: Clean my closet. Cuz eww.

“I am the girl of 100 lists
From what shall I wear
To who I have kissed”

-The Go Go’s

Top five things I am LOVING right now:

One: These knives that Jason bought me for an early Mother’s Day gift.

Two: Margherita pizza from Trader Joe’s.

Three: Tulips! This is the perfect time of year for them and if I don’t have fresh ones every few weeks, I go through withdrawals.

Four: Listening to this song over and over again!

Five: Squid’s new games. My favorite is when he doesn’t think I can see him and then suddenly I’ll turn my head and say, “Hi, Boy!” He shrieks and wobbles down the hallway as fast as he can with me right after him. Then he looks behind his shoulder and shrieks again, at which point I bend down and grab him on each side of his stomach, sending him into wailing laughter! It’s the best thing ever.

Since this is, in a way, a parenting blog (when it’s not a “bitching/ranting/complaining/venting” blog, that is), I decided to Top Five the most clueless celebrity parents this week. There are lots of way worse parents out there, many much more horrendous than those I’m about to list. But, it isn’t really entertaining or funny to point out the really shitty nobody parents. It’s so, so much better (and way more fun) picking on celebrities, don’t you think?

One: Alec Baldwin for this outrageous phone message to his 11 year-old Daughter, Ireland.

Two: Kim Bassinger, for releasing it.

Three: Britney Spears. If you don’t know why, you really need to get a TV. Or a radio. Or a subscription to US Magazine.

Four: Pamela Anderson. No body wants to see their mother hang her tits out on a yacht in Saint Tropez. No body wants to see their mother make a fool out of herself on Ellen and have to tuck in her boobies ‘cuz they got displaced after jumping around acting like an idiot. No body wants to see their mother drunk and making out with Kid Rock. For Christ’s sake, woman, have some self respect.

Five: Dean McDermott. He’s the guy that abandoned his wife and two small children to run off with Tori Spelling. Eww. And Ewwer.

Top 5 things I lost this week:

One: LB
Two: LB
Three: LB
Four: LB
Five: LB

That’s right, bitches, I lost five pounds! I’m in crazy diet mode now that Squid is one and I’m still packin’ baby weight. NOT COOL, as the caveman says. I’ve been jogging and riding my bike again, eating lots of veggies and protein. I thought a good way to keep myself motivated would be to pull a Kirstie Alley and promise to broadcast myself in a bikini in X amount of months, but then I remembered how you are all actual living, breathing people out there and not just blogging robots. Mmmmm…yeah, no.

And, now on to really important things. Squid got this toy for his birthday and for the past week, Jason and I have been going nuts trying to figure out what the hell the little bastard is singing! We got as far as…”Riding the range, riding the range, let’s go! Riding the range, yahoo! All the way to Texas…something something something…” HELP!

Oh, and yes, I already Googled like crazy.

A few week ago I made a big deal about starting The Friday Five. What I forgot to tell you is that I have commitment issues. Needless to say, a few Fridays have passed now with no Friday Five. I’d make today The Friday Fifteen to make up for my absence, but that would seriously bore you.

Top five movie scenes that make me cry:

One: Eulogy in Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Two: Dumbo. All of it. Oh my god, that movie should be outlawed. When Dumbo’s mother is taken away to the circus and is all locked up behind bars and starts to wildly trumpet in pain. Then, when she is saying goodbye to Dumbo, stroking him with her trunk through the cage. UGH!

Three: The end of Where The Red Fern Grows when the boy visits the graves of his dead dogs and sees the red fern growing over them both.

Four: Steel Magnolias - two scenes make me cry every time. The one where Sally Field is in the hospital visiting Shelby and she refuses to leave, desperately showing her old photographs, crying and talking to her in her coma. And the one at the end where she breaks down at the funeral, screaming, “Daughters are supposed to outlive their mothers!” Oh my gosh, I almost started crying just now!

Five: This scene in Blade Runner.

Is it Friday already? Wow. You know how lots of people have certain themes on certain days, like Thursday Thirteen and Photo Friday…that sort of thing? Well, I decided to make up my own, inspired by High Fidelity starring John Cusack, Jack Black, Lisa Bonet, Tim Robbins and…well, just check it out for yourself. Seriously. Go to your Blockbuster or Netflix queue right now and add it. (I really prefer Blockbuster. You know you get to use the returned movies as free rentals in the store now, right? Plus, everyone is really friendly at the one near my house. The website is painfully slow, though, and always seems to crap out on me. But I digress.) Then, you’ll know what I mean by the Friday Five.

So, here we go.

Top five favorite things uttered by my glorious husband.

One: “What are you, my mother?”

Two: “Are you on your period?”

Three: “Is this really what’s for dinner?”

Four: “Did your boobs get bigger?”

Five: “Your feet smell like vinegar.”

I know, I know, you’re jealous, right? What can I say, ladies, I got one of the good ones. Don’t hate!