Okay, wait. I take it back…a little bit. David Cook recovered with his second song. I’m sitting here all alone and it’s like, I have no one to talk with about American Idol! Jason is out of town tonight and so I have to bitch to myself online. And Squid, but he doesn’t know what I’m bitching about. He just thinks I’m crazy. I think he’s right.

This is the first night I’ve really hated David Cook’s performance. His ‘Hungry Like The Wolf’ rendition kind of made me throw up in my mouth. I still like his voice a lot, but it was really bad. I think the judges were nice to him.

What’s up with Heidi Montag (and don’t even pretend like you don’t know who she is)? Seriously, the girl looks like she got the Long Island breast enlargement special…you know, the kind that comes with free lips. I’m not against plastic surgery. I see it as an art form and if you want to make your face and body a canvas for a variety of doctors have their way with, so be it. But there is good plastic surgery and there is bad. And Heidi’s is bad. She looks really bird-like, with big ostrich breasts.

I mean, does she know? Unfortunately so many Hollywood (yes, that’s right - Hollywood, not Heidiwood, you big bird) stars go whole hog and don’t stop to think about what they are really doing. That’s why you need honest doctors. A doctor who will tell you that if you have your lips done when you’re in your 20’s, you’re gonna look like a Looney Toon, is the doctor you want. And you should definitely do your research. Associated Plastic Surgeons is a site that has lots of information on plastic surgery, including pictures (some very graphic, as a matter of fact) and the backgrounds of their doctors.

Now I’m not saying I’m gonna run out and get plastic surgery. I’ll probably never get any work done. Even though I have my problem areas, I love my body. But I like to look at this stuff and read about it to try and figure out why people do it and why they almost always go too far. It’s fascinating to me.

Who else thought Neil Diamond looked amazing last night? He’s such a rock star. Anyway, though, let’s talk about what really matters. How awful is Brooke?!?! I really can’t stand her anymore. She’s soooooooo bad! I voted for David Cook again last night. I’ve voted 3 times now, on three separate nights. I don’t think I voted at all last season but I feel like this year they need my help. I can’t believe the crap that’s left. Jason Castro. Brook Whatever-her-name-is. Even David Archuleta is getting on my nerves. I’m over this season. I really am.

Speaking of Mariah Carey, I gotta just say…she’s got some exceptional boobs on her. I love her body because it is actually real. She’s not tiny. She’s got a round face. She’s got wide hips. Her thighs don’t look like a chicken’s. In other words, you can tell she doesn’t starve herself to look hot.

I went in to Old Navy the other day and laughed at how I used to be able to actually buy bathing suits there. But after Squid, there’s no way my boobs would fit into one of those tiny little triangle tops! For the girls out there whining like myself, there’s a better place to buy suits this summer. This site sells Full Busted Swimwear and have cup sizes up to DD and E. They also sell bottoms and tops separately, so you can mix and match to make sure you get the perfect fit.

I could barely watch last night’s episode of American Idol. Mariah Carey night? Whose idea was that? Like any kid on that show could do any of her songs justice. I’m not like a super duper Mariah fan, but let’s face it: the girl’s got a great freaking voice. She’s unbelievable. Watching those ding-dongs try and tackle her was excruciating. Bye, bye, suckers!

I have one. If Brooke doesn’t go home tomorrow, I’m gonna lose all faith in America. That girl hurts my brain.

Do you think that was fair? I seriously liked M.J.

And Brooke is still in?!? What?

I just can’t get on board with that decision, America. I mean, really.