I have a lot of pet peeves. And I’m usually pretty unforgiving about them. I don’t care if someone wants to decorate their car with stickers. But if those stickers are lopsided, well…there’s just no where to go from there. The absolute worst is a lopsided bumper sticker on a brand new Mercedes. Then I really hate you.

A pet peeve that drives me crazy about my husband (there are many) is that he makes scrambled eggs in the microwave because he is too lazy to do it on the stove - that isn’t the bad part - then puts the glass measuring cup in which he made the eggs into the dishwasher. By the time the dishwasher is started (usually later in the day), the egg has dried and the heat from the dishwasher burns the leftover crusty egg onto the glass. Then, instead of soaking the glass and working it over with a scrub brush, he puts it BACK into the dishwasher for another cycle. Again, the egg is burned even worse and even more impossible to clean. It is really, really fun for me.

Here is another pet peeve: when people post pictures and/or videos that are not formatted or rotated correctly. Yeah, that’s a bad one.

Walking and Talking on Vimeo

Since this is, in a way, a parenting blog (when it’s not a “bitching/ranting/complaining/venting” blog, that is), I decided to Top Five the most clueless celebrity parents this week. There are lots of way worse parents out there, many much more horrendous than those I’m about to list. But, it isn’t really entertaining or funny to point out the really shitty nobody parents. It’s so, so much better (and way more fun) picking on celebrities, don’t you think?

One: Alec Baldwin for this outrageous phone message to his 11 year-old Daughter, Ireland.

Two: Kim Bassinger, for releasing it.

Three: Britney Spears. If you don’t know why, you really need to get a TV. Or a radio. Or a subscription to US Magazine.

Four: Pamela Anderson. No body wants to see their mother hang her tits out on a yacht in Saint Tropez. No body wants to see their mother make a fool out of herself on Ellen and have to tuck in her boobies ‘cuz they got displaced after jumping around acting like an idiot. No body wants to see their mother drunk and making out with Kid Rock. For Christ’s sake, woman, have some self respect.

Five: Dean McDermott. He’s the guy that abandoned his wife and two small children to run off with Tori Spelling. Eww. And Ewwer.

As much as I wanted to side with Howard Stern and root for Sanjaya to go all the way, I was so relieved to see him leave last night. Seriously, what was Tuesday’s performance all about? I mean, I knew he was bad, I just didn’t know he was THAT bad. So, was saying farewell a scam on the part of the producers? After all, he had Stern, Vote For The Worst, Sanjaya War Dialer, lots of weird young girls and God knows who else on his side. My guess…who cares!? He’s gone…REJOICE!

How much does Jury Duty suck? Turns out it sucks a whole lot. Today is my second day of being holed up in another nasty room with no windows among a bunch of greasy strangers that smell like cigarettes and mothballs. I HATE JURY DUTY!

So, today is the day where they ask us questions and determine who will be in the final twelve. Yesterday I sat in a room for 2 hours before they dismissed half the group. The lucky half. I was left, with about 40 others, to travel downstairs to the actual courtroom where they proceeded to tell us we are privileged to be here. “Jury Duty is your very special Constitutional right…” Blah blah blah. In my book, anything that takes me away from my family, eats up an entire day and leaves me with a pounding headache is a Constitutional wrong.

So I must be a good little citizen and fulfill my right (choke, hack, cough) while the city goes on screwing me forward and back. “We have childcare downstairs by the front entrance.” Oh, you mean that claustrophobic room where a bunch of 8 year-olds are running around kicking each other and wrestling on the matted, puke-stained carpet while all varieties of city-folk are traipsing in off the street and pushing on through the metal detectors? Thanks, I’ll just have my husband take ANOTHER day off work, you fucking losers. By the way, how’s that gaping pot hole on my street doing? The one that threw off my car’s alignment and is going to cost me $300 in repairs? Oh, and please send the police to my house again with a false accusation that results in my husband being locked up, $1000 in bail and another $5000 in lawyer fees - all for a “mistake” on the part of the system. And while you’re at it, put up some more red tape for me to crawl through when I actually have a REAL emergency and need your help, when someone dangerous is harassing me and my life is threatened.

Good job assholes.

P.S. Did I mention how much I hate Jury Duty?

Top 5 things I lost this week:

One: LB
Two: LB
Three: LB
Four: LB
Five: LB

That’s right, bitches, I lost five pounds! I’m in crazy diet mode now that Squid is one and I’m still packin’ baby weight. NOT COOL, as the caveman says. I’ve been jogging and riding my bike again, eating lots of veggies and protein. I thought a good way to keep myself motivated would be to pull a Kirstie Alley and promise to broadcast myself in a bikini in X amount of months, but then I remembered how you are all actual living, breathing people out there and not just blogging robots. Mmmmm…yeah, no.

And, now on to really important things. Squid got this toy for his birthday and for the past week, Jason and I have been going nuts trying to figure out what the hell the little bastard is singing! We got as far as…”Riding the range, riding the range, let’s go! Riding the range, yahoo! All the way to Texas…something something something…” HELP!

Oh, and yes, I already Googled like crazy.

Well, the birthday party was a success! It was a little colder than I had hoped for, but it didn’t rain. That’s all that really matters, right? We were able to go through with all our plans and had a great day at the park. Thanks for all your positive thoughts! I plan on posting pictures, though I’m waiting for a set from my mom to come through. ‘Til then, have a great week everyone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY BOY!
THANK YOU FOR THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!
I LOVE YOU.
XOXO - MOMMY

APRIL 2006

MAY 2006

JUNE 2006

JULY 2006

AUGUST 2006

SEPTEMBER 2006

OCTOBER 2006

NOVEMBER 2006

DECEMBER 2006

JANUARY 2007

FEBRUARY 2007

MARCH 2007

AND TODAY….

Squid’s birthday is tomorrow and it’s like he knows somehow. Last night, it was as if he said to me, “Mommm! I’m almost a year old…I can feed myself!” And he did. He wouldn’t even let me help. Ah, my baby is growing up! He’s also beginning to master the sippy cup and, while he didn’t take too well to the whole milk, loves organic soy. Phew.