What the hell is this? Suspended for saying “vagina?” Right. I mean, what do you even say to these people besides, “Why are you such a dumbass?”

Ah, I’m tired tonight and not really in the mood to analyze. So, dumbass it is.

Your 1920’s Name is:

Madeleine Vivienne

Hey, it’s better than Jasmine, which is what my neighbor (after 4 years) continues to call me. He is not old, senile or hard of hearing. And yet, it is Jasmine this and Jasmine that. P.S. My name is not Jasmine!

So, now it’s a big joke and Jason has started calling me “Jazz” for short. “Hey, Jazzy.” “What’s up, Jazz?” “Oh, C’mon, Jazz, it’s not that bad.”

Ugh! I’d much rather prefer my 1920’s name, thank you very much. By the way, how weird and simultaneously awesome is Blogthings? According to them, my life is 65% perfect, I am 20% cynical, the mythological creature I am most like is a centaur, and my famous last words will be “Nice Doggy.” ‘Nuff said.

Is it Friday already? Wow. You know how lots of people have certain themes on certain days, like Thursday Thirteen and Photo Friday…that sort of thing? Well, I decided to make up my own, inspired by High Fidelity starring John Cusack, Jack Black, Lisa Bonet, Tim Robbins and…well, just check it out for yourself. Seriously. Go to your Blockbuster or Netflix queue right now and add it. (I really prefer Blockbuster. You know you get to use the returned movies as free rentals in the store now, right? Plus, everyone is really friendly at the one near my house. The website is painfully slow, though, and always seems to crap out on me. But I digress.) Then, you’ll know what I mean by the Friday Five.

So, here we go.

Top five favorite things uttered by my glorious husband.

One: “What are you, my mother?”

Two: “Are you on your period?”

Three: “Is this really what’s for dinner?”

Four: “Did your boobs get bigger?”

Five: “Your feet smell like vinegar.”

I know, I know, you’re jealous, right? What can I say, ladies, I got one of the good ones. Don’t hate!